"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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