grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
