I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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