i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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