i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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