I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
