So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
