I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
