can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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