I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Screwed.edu
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
