hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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