Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
