it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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