I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
