Just mADE A PArabola og urine
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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