she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
