...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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