I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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