Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
