rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
