bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
