I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
