i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
