so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
