Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize