She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
