If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
