She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
