im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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