Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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