sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
