Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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