If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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