Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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