Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
should my penis look like a turkey
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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