it hurts more in the daytime
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
