If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
