He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I intend to get homeless drunk
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
