my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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