bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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