I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize
