i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
