He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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