Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
