I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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