I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
