He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
