Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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