3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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