I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i now understand why vodka
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
