moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
love makes seman taste better
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
