I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
