Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
