the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you didnt know i had herpes?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize