Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
