Whatcha textin bout Willis?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
