The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
