Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
