why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
