Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
