I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
