shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
