you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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