she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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