You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
