Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
