I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
don't judge my taste in strippers
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
