My brain says no but my pants say off.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
only you would photoshop your dick
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
