I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Shame - the story of my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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