sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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