Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
