I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
