she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
