I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
