my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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