The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
