My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
