i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
