God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
