Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
