I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
