You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
