The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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